So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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