I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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