even my farts smell like vagina
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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