based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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