so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
