I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
