he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
