I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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