if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
