Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
