Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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