A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
