Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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