Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
