Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
