I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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