matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
