dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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