Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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