genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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