and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
