i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
