I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
