Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
