I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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