i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
