so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
