I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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