3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Vodka?
Forever.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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