So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
