when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
