just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
