that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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