I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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