There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
