i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
