The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
