If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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