Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
