I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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