He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
