I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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