Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
