just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
