It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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