Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
