Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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