tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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