If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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