woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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