Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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