wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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