she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
